Wow

I've heard plenty about the intricacies of the lesbian web of exes though myself still haven't been in enough relationships to experience that first-person.--Until yesterday, in which I had my first own dose of ex-lover weirdness that came in the form of my ex-girlfriend's most recent ex-girlfriend, the girl she went out with before we broken up. She gained her ex-status just 3 months ago, and from what I heard, it sounded like she hadn't felt sane since then until just 4 days ago. We have never had a conversation. We had met a couple times in passing, the first of which happened when I visited my ex's home one last desperate time, and when she came there to pick her up for a date. I'm not sure what gave her the courage to come to the other side of the cafe to say hi and talk to me. But she did. One of the first things she said to me was that she wanted to apologize for what happened. I didn't know what to say, because I wasn't really sure what she was apologizing for exactly. That she wasn't sensitive enough towards our falling-apart relationship? I just told her that she didn't need to be sorry, and that she had nothing to apologize for, at least not to me.What followed were the 2 most surreal hours of my life. I couldn't believe that the person who for the longest time embodied my frustration and anger was sitting in front of me, and suddenly I felt sorry for her and was hoping that maybe I was giving her some answers that she was still looking for. It was as if in her last efforts to make sense of what happened to their relationship, she thought that I had a role in finding some sort of closure. She told me that she thought my ex and I should still be friends, that she really did admire me as much as she told me, that I had a better connection with her and that she believed that the only reason why she broke up with me was really just simply because she was scared. She had given me no reason; but it was enough I suppose. And in a way I guess I had it easier than she did. She attacked her personality, basically told her that she sucked and not with the intention of giving her a chance to change or fix it. It was a reason to break up. For me, it was simple. Painfully simple and real, but it was situational, not personal. My pain was divided up between losing her and having to battle with circumstances. Maybe it was true that if the circumstances had been different, she would have stayed with me. But does it even matter? The pressures are real, the "gay life" isn't easy to live. I wouldn't ask anyone to live that just for me if she wasn't prepared to.I still don't know why she said the things she did, and what she expected me to say. I don't see how being friends with her would change anything for her, or for me. It would be impossible for me to describe the whole story here, and that really isn't the point. The conversation itself wasn't bad, and in a way it was almost nice. It killed me to see that she was so destroyed, and it made me realize how far I've come. But something about it has left a bad taste in my mouth. I guess I just didn't need to hear that I really was special to her, and yet no matter how special I was, my flaw was loving her.